The Consequences of Owning Your Truth

‘You gotta take the good with the bad’

This is a phrase of wisdom and resilience that has been passed down from my great-grandmother to my mother to me. It’s a seemingly simple truth that has evolved its complexity to me over the years. Today I want to share this wisdom with you and how owning your truth is a good thing, but the process of owning it often feels bad.

Owning your truth is a terrifyingly vulnerable process of self-reflection, where you don’t back down from who you are, what you’ve done, and how it has affected you and others. I’ve learned a lot in the process of choosing to honor my authenticity, despite knowing that I would be rewarded with more opportunities if I didn’t. I think that being authentic to yourself is about being consistently brave enough to know your worth and maintain the standards that support your worth. It will probably mean something different for everyone in every situation, but for me, I have an incredibly difficult time writing these blogs knowing that some of the experiences I talk about will likely be read by people who have inevitably hurt or disappointed me. But in order to own my truth, I have to recognize these aren’t necessarily for those folks, these are letters to a younger me. These blogs are for those of you who may have gone through some of the same experiences, or are in the thick of it now and are looking for a light at the end of the tunnel. Owning my truth is being brave enough to tell you all that I’ve learned about the realities of speaking up as a way to freedom, but the journey to it is excruciating. When you begin the process of owning your truth you begin to realize the difference between true advocates and those who are risk-averse and won’t stand with you when you need it. When you tend to set boundaries, it will almost immediately force others into the light around you. This isn’t necessarily a bad thing, it’s just a burdensome process because you tend to have many starts and stops. You’ll be tempted to go back on your word, you’ll be tempted to go back to the ‘easy way’ of doing things. But once you start to own your truth, it’s a bit like choosing your reality.

If you have ever seen The Matrix, one of the major plot points of that movie is to choose what reality you want to live in, and I feel this process is similar. You either begin to recognize manipulations around you and set boundaries up to protect your peace, or you lean back on old ways of blissful ignorance and try to get comfortable with a smaller mold. Let me assure you neither choice is particularly comfortable. Even if you choose not to drastically change and own your truth, you will still notice and put certain actions, words, and circumstances together. For me, this created a lot of emotional stress, but I also started to feel empowered for outgrowing the mold I’d been placed in. It feels a bit like a metamorphosis, for me it was a point of no return.

But significant changes and newly recognized power will cause a shift in everything you thought you knew. There are consequences to that and how you respond. I’m mostly hoping that these consequences cause a chain reaction of better circumstances for me to grow going forward, but I have to be honest with you, it is distinctly uncomfortable.

To live your truth means sticking to your convictions in a world where people expect you to bend. There are things you can compromise on but it’s essential to know who you want to be, and what you won’t compromise. With that comes the consequence of saying no, and others potentially not respecting your boundaries. There will be people seeking to compete with you or find ways to tear you down, and you inevitably will shine your light on these people as you move in honesty and integrity to your character. When your true character is revealed, it also reveals the character of others, and what you find may be disappointing. I have found this particular part of the journey painful in that many people who I expected to speak up on my behalf often fell quiet at the time I needed them most. Or worse, people would take this opportunity to invalidate me to those who have the potential to empower me. This is a critical point of the journey where you will most likely want to cave on your convictions- you will most likely want to lower your standards of what your worth is. It will seem like everyone else has already fallen in line, and they seem to be doing better than you. I personally find this to be my pitfall, and for those of you in this spot, you’ll know it because you begin to gaslight yourself without prompting. I would encourage you to scale back and reflect. This is the time to say no to extracurriculars; go out in nature and sit with yourself. I normally will find a good playlist and sit somewhere in nature for a few hours if I can spare it, just to get my thoughts in alignment. Once you’ve developed some reflections - or start to spiral into thoughts you can’t get out of - that’s when you find whatever trusted community or loved ones you have, and reflect with them. And hopefully, you’ll come out of that headspace feeling more encouraged.

Recently I was doing a bit of song therapy to try to get through a tough headspace I was stuck in. “Anxiety” by Meg Thee Stallion came on, and I was truly connecting to the lyrics on a different level. It was speaking to the strange dichotomy of feeling empowered because I have gained confidence in knowing who I am and my skill sets, but at the same time having a hard time navigating that strength of character. I felt like the lyrics reflected how lonely it is to own your truth, and how exhausting it is to constantly fight for others to see the validity of your life story.

“People say speak your truth, but at the same time they don’t believe”- Meg Thee Stallion

Even the absolute toughest of tough people can slowly erode into a shadow of who they really are if they are constantly fighting for validity. No matter how often you set your boundaries, if you are in an environment where your boundaries are constantly being whittled away, and your story is belittled, you start to believe you are the problem. And meanwhile, the very people who tell you to be your authentic self often end up becoming a part of the problem, because they expect you alone to be a fountain of strength. While you may seem resilient enough to have skin made of diamonds, no one can maintain it alone. In our field, we work on teams, and the most efficient teams are the ones that can make decisions effectively by acting on a collective decision. It’s no different for your personal growth. You aren’t supposed to go through life alone. But if you are someone who is often seen as a pillar of strength you are put on a pedestal that you can’t easily climb down. Sometimes others may offer to help but may be unable to, so your mindset turns to believing you have to do things alone.

“All I really wanna hear is it’ll be okay, bounce back cause you can have bad days” - Meg Thee Stallion

The reality is if you don’t have a community, you are not getting the full experience of growth and resilience. But finding a community that accepts, uplifts, and challenges you is particularly difficult because it takes time and effort. Finding the right mentors that can guide you through tough times, opportunities, and joyous occasions is vital to a healthy community that can help you develop a sense of self-worth. Once you have a healthy sense of self-worth it makes it much easier to see clearly and know what opportunities to say yes to and when to say no. It makes coming back from bad days and having confidence in your resilience just a little easier, which may help you maintain a healthy mental state. Sometimes it’s difficult to be self-aware because you may be stuck in your own thoughts, and having a good community around you can help get you out of a bad headspace. Everyone is stronger, and more resilient if they have the right community behind them. Because when your resilience has inevitably been eroded away by circumstances, you will find yourself living for those little moments of relief from your community. It could be a shared laugh, a kind observation, a bit of advice, or just a deep breath you hadn’t realized you hadn’t let yourself take. Those little moments anchor your reality and give you hope even for a moment, that things will get better and your circumstances will pass.

So why did I write this particular blog? What does it have to do with being a minority in this industry? In my time working specifically with underrepresented folks in this industry, many of us at one point or another get to a pivotal moment, a crossroads in our careers. Do we stand up to own our truth, or do we keep quiet to maintain peace? In my experience, that perceived peace is held with bated breath, and at some point, you’re going to want to gasp air. I think there is an importance in discerning the time and place of speaking your truth, but I think there has to be a reckoning with understanding the consequences of that truth. That crossroad doesn’t only belong to minorities in this field, it belongs to everyone.

At some point you’ll have to have conversations, maybe it's a conflict with a coworker, perhaps it’s pay negotiation, maybe it’s a choice of staying in this industry period. The weight of knowledge, experience, and wisdom will bring you to a moment of choice. If your goal is to be a better ally, you’ll notice that the attacks on your friend's livelihoods will inevitably affect you too. You’ll start to notice more around you as you learn more, and become sensitive to everyday microaggressions happening to loved ones. You will no longer have peace with the people and places you used to because your truth has changed, and your heart will break for more than just yourself. Do you stick around your institution to fight for a better future, or have you done your time and it’s time to take your talents in a different direction? Neither choice is terrible, but for me, as I built my community and skill sets, I started to learn the depths of my resilience. I began to realize the unique power of my voice and how my own brilliance is best supported. I had times when I dug in to make a change where I was at, and times when I needed to move on from the position I was in.

I encourage all of you who read this to remember to take the good with the bad, there is not one without the other. When you own your truth you show respect, kindness, and validation to your authentic experience. Your ability to respect your authenticity will also inevitably make you a threat to those comfortable with keeping the status quo. I promise you that staying quiet and speaking up are equally difficult choices to make. If you choose to be brave and speak your truth, I think you are choosing hope. Hope isn’t the work of the naive, it’s the work of the resilient. You're choosing to personally work to see the world differently than what it is now, even though it will cause a domino effect of some difficult circumstances. But I also think you should have compassion if you choose not to tell your story, because sometimes that’s what life calls for as well, to protect yourself for the time being. Maybe you don’t have the resilience because you're worn out right now. Maybe keeping quiet will sustain you until the next opportunity to speak up comes along. I promise you there will always be more opportunities if you miss one, so be kind to yourself if you miss it for whatever reason.

I hope whatever choice you make at your crossroads helps free you, gives you peace, and delivers you from whatever circumstance. I hope you are brave enough to take the good with the bad, to own your truth, to be kind to yourself in the process, and to trust that everything will eventually work out.

Be Kind and Stay Stunning,

Shannon

Shannon Farmer is the MIAZS Communications Outreach Coordinator