Privilege: Why I Am Not Ashamed to Have It

Recently, I found myself in a class learning about gender equity and biases; this class was offered by my organization as a part of its commitment to Diversity, Equity, Inclusion, and Accessibility (DEIA). More specifically, my work group indicated in a survey that many women felt there was unequal treatment between men and women in our workplace. As a cis-identifying man, it is not my place to dispute this; the one thing that I will say is most of our non-managerial staff are women, while most people in our division’s management structure are men. The class was intended to help provide a safe space for the airing of grievances and learning about implicit biases – a process that can be uncomfortable when it leads back to your own subconscious biases and their origins.

Any sort of equity-based class will involve some level of digging into and sharing your emotions surrounding the topic of discussion. Having been through previous classes regarding racial oppression, participating as a person of color, I empathized with the women in the room who shared their frustrations with feeling unheard or unsupported in the workplace. However, I also heard some comments that provoke a larger discussion:

"Why are we here?"

"How do we avoid dividing people further?"

To add some context, I don't feel that these comments were meant to belittle the sharing of stories that was happening - I actually feel these comments were brought forth in a tone generally conveying, "How do we keep winding up here?" Or in a more forward-thinking approach, "How do we avoid winding up here, again, at some point in the future?" But even if you take the original questions in the worst possible interpretation, it quietly poses the idea that classes surrounding diversity or equity are the cause of othering, rather than the solution.

In order to address this controversial, and unfortunately common, take more fully, I think it is important to talk about why some people might feel this way. Classes that address social inequities often ask their attendees to identify their privileges, in order to better understand people who lack those privileges. Privilege is a complicated concept, but a basic summary would be that in a world with socioeconomic inequities, some people are going to have advantages due to factors beyond their control - and to be clear, we live in an unequal world. These advantages can come in many forms – skin color, the gender a person is assigned at birth, how much money their parents had, or even where they were born. As people develop through childhood and adolescence, these and other factors combine to inform their value and belief systems. They also inevitably influence other foundational parts of life, such as where they go to school or what career they may pursue. Later on in life, it could affect promotion or pay opportunities.

I do not believe that anybody can or should deny the existence of these advantages and their impacts, which are a part of the phenomenon known as socioeconomic privilege. The stumbling block arrives when it comes time to address the privileges that someone has benefitted from. Admitting that someone who has privilege gains advantages also means admitting other people who lack those opportunities will be worse off, through no fault of their own. Knowing that other people suffer due to systemic disadvantages can cause guilt, shame, or just generally icky feelings, as our instructor described them.

While coming to terms with the idea that not everyone has the same level of privilege, I have observed that many people become defensive. I think this has to do with the idea that having privilege is a bad thing or somehow makes you immoral. Targeted campaigns against "wokeness" frequently include attacks against any sort of affirmative action or just general human equality, which are both meant to level the playing field of privilege. Part of this narrative includes the idea that nobody should be ashamed to be white, or to be a man, or to be straight - after all, it's not their fault that they were born this way!

I have a controversial take: I agree that nobody should be ashamed to have privilege.

Immediately, as I write this, I can hear your outrage and disbelief. This is not about to become a surprise article supporting white supremacy or men's rights or transphobia. But I am asking you to hear me out as I address why privilege is not shameful, and what can be done with privilege once it is accepted.

You should not be ashamed to have privilege. You did not ask to be born with systemic advantages. The people with systemic disadvantages, though, also did not ask to be born that way. And there is the catch - there are some unchangeable parts of your identity and being that you are going to have to live with, like it or not. It gets even more complicated when you benefit from some privileges while you suffer under other forms of oppression – for instance, I am a biracial cis-identifying man. In my career, I have been addressed with slurs and comments about my racial physical features in the workplace. I have also, while working as the only man on my team, been addressed as an authority figure; this happens even when I am not an expert on the subject, or the most senior person present in a discussion. How do we reconcile the wildly complicated emotions that we feel surrounding equality?

I am here to tell you the guilt you may feel surrounding whatever privileges you may or may not possess is, in fact, normal and healthy. This is your mind recognizing and sympathizing with people of different backgrounds; even if it feels gross in the moment, you should also embrace that feeling as a symbol of progress. In time, as you become more comfortable with the discomfort, these feelings can become more of a warning system that you may be in a situation where more sympathy or listening is called for. If you hear someone make a joke about gay people, and immediately feel that pang of shock and guilt - that's the system working properly. A new mother relates to you how hard it has been to balance childcare and work, and you feel sympathy while wondering what you can do - congratulations, you're doing the thing! But now that we are recognizing inequity and intolerance, we have to do something about it.

Toward the end of my class, we were all asked to break off into small groups to discuss what privileges we possess, and then share with the larger class some of our takeaways. My group - all men in a class about gender equity - felt a little overwhelmed and frustrated with what could be done. All of us had stories related to the unfairness we had witnessed related to women in our upbringings or workplaces, and yet there was also a general consensus that without intervention from higher-ups and executives in our company, we had little power to effect systemic change. When it came time to share with the class, we were not sure what to say, if anything.

Eventually, I raised my hand, and not necessarily speaking for the group but more toward it, I said: “We have to stop thinking of privilege as this bad thing that we helplessly possess - you may not have asked for it, but you can do something with it! Privilege is a tool that can be used to open doors and start conversations.”

Whenever I find myself in the position of being addressed as the sole man and authority, I often use it as an opportunity to bring in women from my workgroup into the discussion as experts. At several of my workplaces, when women have been frequently harassed by certain men in the workplace, I made a point of inserting myself into the interaction and escorting my coworkers out of the situation. In that situation, my male privilege was a tool that I actively used to elevate women in the workplace and make them feel, hopefully, safer. Yes, they should not have needed my help, and these situations should never come up in the first place. For right now, I accept that we live in an unjust world, and within my company I lack enough power to enact meaningful and widespread cultural change. This is what I can do to help others who do not possess the same privileges as me.

This is my privilege, to raise others up to stand with me, and I am not ashamed to have it. I hope that one day, equity and inclusion will be available to everyone, and nobody will need assistance to achieve those goals. We are not going to solve social injustice overnight, and maybe not within our lifetimes. However, every small act that we take in that direction adds up over time to bring us just a little closer toward a more just world. You are valued, you are needed, and where you have the strength to help, please do! Every place in society, in or out of work, has someone who could use an ally. I challenge you to be a champion in this fight. If enough of us rise to this occasion, we can all reap the benefits - together.

Dalton Richardson

he/him

Aquarist